I have to reply to your post, my love. When I read it, my heart was racing from the intensity. I must admit, I take comfort in the fact that we think so alike, even though we are two different people. That’s one of the things that makes our love come so naturally.
It’s no secret that I spend more time missing you than I do by your side. And it may come as no surprise that I do find myself filled with the same worries you have when we are apart: what if he finds someone who lives closer? what if he grows tired of the distance and our mismatched schedules? what if he doesn’t think I’m worth the time and money it takes to come spend time with me? what if he finds someone who is financially stable, has an apartment, and can provide him with the things he desires? what if he meets someone beautiful – more beautiful to him than I am? what if he starts to listen to everyone telling us our love isn’t worth it, or not good for him? These thoughts plague my mind and turn my dreams into nightmares.
For me, though, it’s as simple as looking down at the beautiful, sparkly rings on my left hand. They take me back to the rainy evening in December when you got down on one knee and asked me to be yours forever. Back to our pinky promise. The sincerity in that moment, and the love that you prove to me every day, are enough to stop those thoughts and dismiss those nightmares. They give me confidence in us, and confidence in our love.
I can assure you that my promise is true. But how can I be so sure I won’t change my mind? Perhaps more importantly, how can you be sure that I will keep my promise until the day I die?
I want you to consider this. I am twenty-one years old. I have a whole lifetime ahead of me. There is absolutely no reason for me to be in a rush to start a family, or in a rush to settle down. I’ve never dreamed of wanting it this early. Then I met you. I am so confident that you are my forever that I’m opening up to planning a future with you. And not just planning it as a joke – I seriously want every single thing we’ve discussed, and I will wait a hundred years for it if that’s what you ask. That’s another thing. You don’t have to worry about not being able to provide for me financially, or about not having your own place. Even if someone came along who could do those things for me, I wouldn’t even give him a second of my time or attention. Why? Because I am perfectly content with where I am right now. I am in no rush to change my living situation. But if I had the chance to do it with you, I wouldn’t hesitate – we’d be living together in a heartbeat. All those things you spoke of in your post – everything you worried about – is not something I had ever wanted until I met you. And now that I want it, it doesn’t mean I would want it with just anyone. I want it because of you. I want it with you, or I don’t want it at all.
I know that life is stressful, and that juggling college, work, extracurriculars and a relationship can be challenging. At times, it feels impossible. But what I want you to remember is this: No matter what obstacles or triumphs you find yourself encountering in your life, I will always be by your side. Celebrating. Giving you a shoulder to cry on, or a comforting hug when life just doesn’t seem fair. Taking care of you when you’re sick. Singing with you in the car. Sampling new foods. Studying for exams. Helping you to love math. Discussing philosophy. Holding your hand when life gets scary. Surprising you with lots of coffee and study foods during dental school. Cheering you on with whatever you choose to do. Watching you walk across the stage at graduation, and again when you receive your doctorate. No matter where your life takes you, I will follow. You don’t have to worry about giving up your dreams for me. I will do everything in my power to make sure you see your dreams become a reality – your dreams of dental school, and your dreams of a forever with me. And any other dreams you may have along the way. If your dreams take you across the world, take comfort in knowing that I’ll be right there by your side (me, and everything I “hoard,” too).
I knew from the second I first saw you that you were the one for me. Those first math problems, those first emails, those first conversations. That’s all it took for me to realize I had found the one person that some people spend a lifetime searching for – my soul mate. You compliment me in the best ways possible. You bring out my good qualities, and you make me feel like I can accomplish all the life goals I have ever set. You fill me with love and happiness. You motivate me to be the best person that I can be. And so much more. I know that a soul mate is a precious find. You are definitely one of a kind, and there could never be anyone better suited for me. No one else would be able to take your place, because there is only one you. You are the one who has my heart, and when I gave it to you, I gave it expecting you to never return it to me. When I said yes to the promises, I meant it with every single ounce of my heart, mind, body, and soul. I want to spend the rest of my life with you – I can’t even imagine what a life without you would be like anymore.
So, darling, take a deep breath. Shake out all those worries, fears, doubts, and insecurities. You and I are forever. No matter how many people try to stop us, or the obstacles along the way, we will make it to forever. They say “till death do us part.” Well, not us. Even after death, I know my soul will search for you. Our love is too strong and too pure to die. Forever is a very long time, but I know that there is no way it could be long enough.
Take my hand, keep safe my heart, and always remember we face the future together. Your heart is safe with me. No matter what, you will always have me right there by your side. That’s where I am by choice, and that’s where I will remain. You’re surrounded by love no matter how far apart we are. Don’t ever, ever forget that.
I love you, Rocky. I love you with everything I am, and all that I ever will be. I know that, one day soon, we will be together more than we are now. Even if I had to wait a hundred years, I would. Because you are worth it to me. You are worth so much more. Our love is worth so much more. And no amount of time – nothing – could ever change that.